i don't want to be...

...one of those dads.

You know the ones. The kind of glorified babysitters that just take their kid(s) to the park to stand around and be "kind of there" because their wives need a break. The kind that need to find reasons to work while hanging out with their kids. The kind that don't even seem to really know what their kids like, much less what they are like.

Now, of course I can't tell from a casual observance of a father what kind of dad he is. And I have been known to upload a mobile pic to Facebook or update my Twitter while hanging out with the kiddos.

Just sayin' I don't want to become one of those dads.

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

conviction from a 5 year old

I had just read my Bible and was walking down the hall with it. Emma saw me.

"Dad, where are you going with your Bible? Are you going to go out missionarying? You should. Go out and knock on every door and tell them about the Bible."

Talk about convicting...

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

just an interesting comparison

This means nothing, but I just found it interesting.

Steven Curtis' daughter Maria died when she was 5 years, 8 days old.

Emma prayed and asked the Lord to give her Jesus in her heart at...

5 years, 8 days.

I just thought that was cool. That's all.

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

an initial review

I am totally biased so do not expect an objective review from me. This record is awesome. Total tear-jerker, for sure. For anyone who has lost a child, or been affected by a similar circumstance, you cannot help but be taken in by the songs of struggle and, eventually, hope that are weaved throughout this album. SCC has been my favorite artist since I heard "More to This Life" shortly after becoming a Christian in high school. Nearly 20 years later he is still very much on the top of my playlist, even though stylistically the music is not always my favorite. The mastery in his craft comes through in its message. His ability to craft lyrics together has always struck me. I try to model my own songwriting after him and would call him the single biggest influence on how I approach music ministry (funny that a guitar player is my biggest influence). A definite hero of mine.

The record doesn't come out until Nov 3, but if you order directly from his website you will receive a download link to download the entire record NOW. I have listened to the album at least 10 times this weekend and it doesn't get old. I haven't bought a physical CD in over 2 years, but I can't wait to get this one for the liner notes. Oh, and it should be autographed :). I normally don't care about getting autographs, but this being such a special record, it's cool to think that he would actually sign this.

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

halloween 2009

I love Halloween. And I can't even say "I always have." I do have fond memories of dressing up and trick-or-treating, but I didn't really get back into it until several years ago. It's just fun to come up with new costume ideas and create something new, especially now that I have kids and they are old enough to get excited about the idea of dressing up in costume and going to people's houses.

No costume for me this year. I wasn't at work this year, and we were just a little busy with something. What was that... oh, that's right... NEW BABY!!! Anyway, enjoy the hot pink Lego I made for Emma. I'll be back in the saddle next year.

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

october 29

[Context: We had been talking about and praying for a very sick little boy and his family. On October 29, 2009, he left our world for the arms of a loving God. The following took place shortly after I told Emma this little boy went to Heaven.]

Emma: "Daddy, am I a Christian?"
Daddy: "Do you want to be?"
Emma: "Yes."
Daddy: "Why?"
Emma: "Because I want to go to Heaven too."

By now, I am starting to well up because I can hardly handle the emotions I have been going through for a few weeks now.

Daddy: "Well, do you understand the gospel?"

[blank stare]

Emma: "Um... I do know some of the Bible..."
Daddy: "What does the Bible say that Jesus did for you?"
Emma: "Died on the cross."
Daddy: "For what?"
Emma: "For my sins."
Daddy: "Do you believe that you are a sinner?"
Emma: "I KNOW I'm a sinner."

Now I'm really starting to cry. It is becoming clear to me that she has a solid grasp on gospel theology. At this point I saw no problem in asking...

Daddy: "Would you like to pray to ask Jesus into your heart?"
Emma: "Mmm hmmm."
Daddy: "Well, lets go out to the living room and pray with Mama."
Emma: "Can she come in here?" (We were in her room).
Daddy: "She has Lucy with her, and there is a lot more room out there, so let's go out there."
Emma: "Could we stay here?"
Daddy: "Sure."

So we sat on her bed and I put my arm around her, expecting to pray and lead her in a prayer. Emma immediately started praying:

"Dear Lord, please give me Jesus in my heart. I want to become a Christian."

OK... I'm officially done in. The water works are flowin' freely now. I prayed after her, asking God to make things clearer for her, and that this would be something she truly understands and that Jesus would make Himself known to her. And Heidi has noticed subtle changes in her behavior in recent weeks that made us think that something was changing in Emma.

Now, I'm not one to now say that Emma is now saved. Time will tell. We will see if she starts bearing fruit in her life. That said, I believe she is old enough to understand the gospel and I believe that it is quite possible that she is, in fact, saved. At this time, I see no reason to doubt that this was a genuine thing.

Emma: "Daddy, are you sweating?"
Daddy: "No."
Emma: "Then why is it wet all around there?" (pointing to my eyes)
Daddy: "Daddy's crying."
Emma: "Why are you crying?"
Daddy: "Because I am so happy that you are asking these questions and thinking about the most important questions you will ever have to answer. In your whole life."
Emma: "Oh."

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

a lot going on

For starters, after some thought I am going to keep this blog going (for now). One of the reasons I was thinking of starting anew was because I have changed quite a bit in the past 3 1/2 years since this blog began, and there is a lot on this blog that I probably wouldn't post about today. But, since the whole purpose of my blog covers anything and everything, I guess it seems to make sense to keep it.

Well, where do I go from here? This week has been insane. Our newest addition, Lucy, was born a week ago. She has been our easiest baby so far and we are so thankful that she has made our transition to a 3-child family much easier than it could have been. And she is such a sweet little girl already. We are so blessed.

There is a young mother of 4 out there who is going to be with Jesus soon. She loves the Lord and has always been such an incredible testimony of His grace, even when I knew her in high school/college. Please pray for her and the husband and children and other loved ones she is leaving behind. She will be given a new body and will be rejoicing in the presence of her Savior, but there will still be the people she must leave behind.

Yesterday, a brave family said "see you later" to their little 3 year old boy. This young man is now enjoying the presence of our Heavenly Father, experiencing things I only dare to dream about. Who knew that such a young life (that I will never meet this side of Heaven) would teach me so much...

Though I haven't kept in touch with this family over the years, their story (especially recently) has made a profound impact on me. So much so that I wrote a song about it. By God's providence, I was able to record a rough demo before Lucy came and I was able to e-mail it to the family yesterday. I tried to incorporate things that I read from their blog, to make it their song. I have just been so touched by them that I had hoped that God could use my humble offering to somehow offer them some kind of comfort.

Well, as the Lord would have it, I have been asked to sing the song at the memorial service in a couple of weeks. Such an honor. If you think about it, please pray for me. I don't sing at a lot of memorial services, but I have done tons of weddings, and the two are similar only in the sense that they are "one shot" deals; there is no "if I mess up, there is always next week." So events like these tend to make me quite nervous. But nerves are usually good... reminds me that I need to always trust in the Lord.

So last night... I was telling Emma about what happened to this little boy, and that he was now in Heaven.

The conversation I had with her deserves its own post.

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

a birthday, a pregnancy, and some closing thoughts?

I will warn you. This will probably be long. Go make a sandwich or something and come back.

As I type, I am sitting in Room #3. Heidi has been admitted. Lucy girl will be here soon!

I am too high strung right now to consider flow, order, creating a proper backdrop for a blog post... so it's all gonna gush out. Are you ready?

A couple of days ago we celebrated Emma's 5th birthday. I knew this would happen but you are still never fully prepared for just how fast it happens. I like to post a special birthday post for the girls each year, but I'm not sure if I will be able to this year. Or maybe this is it. Did I mention it's past 2:30am?

Anyway... Emma is just an amazing child. Hopefully all parents think their children are amazing. They are such a blessing and a gift. To watch your child grow... to see her personality develop. I can't express how awesome that is to see.

Emma is, shockingly, a lot like me. Time will tell if that will be a bond maker or bond strainer. I was going to post some additional observations about that, but I have changed my mind. Those thoughts will stay with me. Suffice it to say, we are so very blessed to have her and I am so thankful for her. I think I will probably try and make a special post for her later. She deserves it. In the meantime, you can check out my wife's thoughts on the matter here.

Now it's 3:07am.

I've been pretty emotional for a few weeks. Nothing in particular. Rather, the opposite. Anything and everything can get me choked up, at any time. I don't really know what to attribute it to. I think it's mainly that I think a lot about eternity these days. Currently, I am thinking about a little boy who's losing his battle with leukemia. He is only a few months older than Chloe. It's nuts. His parents are such a great testimony of the Lord's comfort and peace.

3:39am. It's getting progressively colder in this room.

I know of another woman who was in my high school youth group (I think she's actually a couple years younger than me). She is a married mother of 4 with very severe cervical cancer. It's looking like she will soon stand face to face with Jesus soon too.

When you are faced with the reality of eternity, it puts so much into perspective. You begin to really consider what is and what is not important. And you come to discover (well, at least I did) that so much really does not matter. Not to say that everything is a waste of time, not by any means. It is just to say that you realize that there really are very few things that are of utmost importance.

It is almost 4am... gonna take a cat nap. Be right back.

Now it's almost 7am. With the threat of H1N1, many hospitals (including ours) do not allow any more than 2 visitors per room (including me so only one other visitor can be in here if I am here). And NO visitors under the age of 16. That means the girls cannot visit their mama or their little sister in the hospital. Pretty much sucks, but what can you do?

As I've been taking some "stock" of my life, I see how truly blessed I am in so many areas. My salvation, my wife, my children, serving in the music ministry, a very flexible job that provides sufficiently for us... I could spend forever on these topics alone.

But I no longer have forever. And this didn't end up as long as I anticipated. Pitocin just began.

And this is post #750 for my blog. To celebrate, this may or may not be my last post here on this blog. I may or may not have already started a new blog. I haven't totally decided yet if this blog has lived out its purpose for me.

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

happy birthday emma!

Our little girl is FIVE now. Crazy how time flies. I have a ton of thoughts that I wish I could post. Some about this occasion and just a ton of thoughts and emotions that I have been encountering in general, especially the past couple of weeks.

Prepare for a post of potentially mammoth proportions.

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.

t-minus 2 weeks

Coming down the home stretch. Sort of. If Chloe's delivery story is any indication, we still got time (she was a week late).

It's definitely not hit yet, that we are about to become a family of 5. Being an only child, this thought is crazy to me. And I totally love it. I am looking forward to adding another member to our crazy family.

I've been thinking a lot about heaven these days. Our pastor just recently preached a series from Luke 16 (the rich man and Lazarus). It really put heaven and hell in the forefront of my mind. Eternity is looming for all of us, and we will all spend it in one of these two places. There are no in-betweens. And there is only one way to reach heaven... God's grace through faith in Jesus Christ. I look forward to that day. A day when pain will cease, when I will stop sinning. But most of all a day when I will see my Savior's face. I wish I longed for it more. Sometimes I get really caught up with "wanting to make the most of this life."

I am trying to downsize a bit, which involves my music gear. I just have too much to justify, due to neglect and the need to make room for our expanding family. I don't see us moving anytime soon so the only alternative is to get stuff out of the house. I've been able to sell a couple of things, and donated some of it to a ministry need. I still have a couple more things that it would be great to sell before the baby is born, Lord willing.

The kids are doing great; I am enjoying watching them grow and mature.

My wife is amazing; life couldn't be any sweeter.

Talk to y'all soon...

My name is Rick, and thanks for reading.